Getting My Wings....

Midwives have told me that going overseas will give you more experience and help solidify you feeling like a competent midwife and although I heard this I didn’t really know what this would look like or feel like. 
It’s been a busy week at Victoria Hospital, 3 babies born on my shift today two yesterday and one the day before.  Yesterday the nurse I was working with left me alone for a bit in the labor ward and told the nursing students to follow me and watch how I do things.  Wait a minute, I’m teaching them??!! Ok I got this I thought.  There were three moms in the ward. One in early labor who was not coping well, one that needed a NST (Non stress test) and one new admission who was in labor and needed a full physical assessment, NST and eventually an enema. I was totally juggling it all and somehow managing to teach these three eager students how to do things.  The supervising nurse would come back check on me make sure I was filling out the forms right and then disappear to do paperwork or help other patients on the maternity ward.  (We had done two births together, one being the toilet birth so I guess she trusted my ability) I was doing everything!! I answered the students questions, did vaginal exams, checked the NST strips to make sure the fetal heart rate looked good, got the women back to their rooms who weren’t in active labor and checked on the other ladies who needed help with breastfeeding.  I walked back to the labor ward and the mom who we just admitted under 2 hours ago and was 4cm when I checked her was brought back by one of the students and looking like she was about to push her baby out.  We got her to the room, the nurse now joined me and soon after, we welcomed a baby girl into the world. 
 I had an hour left of my shift and was thinking no other babies would be born.  And then a patient came walking through the door who was a second time mom and was admitted last week in early labor and sent home because her labor stopped and she was just walking around at 3cms.  I had spent many hours already with her and was excited to see her back on my shift ready to push her baby out.  She was 8cms and working hard so I set everything up and the nurse wasthere and then gone again.  I checked her soon after the first check and she was 9cm and sounding pushy.  She started to push and I could see her sweet baby boys head.  We were alone in the room and in my head I was thinking, “Hmmm I could totally do this birth on my own”.  I kept waiting for the nurse to walk in but she didn’t.  So I yelled for her and as she walked in the baby was out and in my hands.  Today I was doing a birth and the baby’s head was out when the nurse walked in the room and realized that I was totally fine and thought “Oh this is what those midwives meant”.  It feels good to be in this place of trusting myself and being able to feel like I could manage whatever comes my way. 

The hardest part about being here is developing relationships with the moms and babies and after they have their baby they only usually stay for a day or two and then that’s it, they’re gone never to be seen again.  I’m so grateful for the relationships we form at home with the moms and partners before their birth and after and I really miss that here. It’s hard to think I’ll never see these families ever again, but I’m so glad I got the opportunity to be there in the moments they needed me.